Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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