Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize