Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
