Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
