Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize