so that wasnt chicken after all
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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