Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
