Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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