The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
