Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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