you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dicks are not precious.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
