I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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