Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
