I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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