nut hugger
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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