Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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