ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
