im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
