your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
