cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
