my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
