I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
