There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
