When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
