We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
are you so shy because you have an std?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
