i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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