Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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