White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
