You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
