It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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