how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
