Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
