i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
