How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
