i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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