your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
