The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
