How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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