this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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