Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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