It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
