Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
