Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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