i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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