Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
