Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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