Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

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(619): View more from California

You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

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(302): View more from Delaware

I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.

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(334): View more from Alabama

We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"

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(740): View more from Ohio

I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.

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(540): View more from Virginia

After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"

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