so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
