Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
