A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
