I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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