My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
