She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
