Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
