His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Shame - the story of my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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