Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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