And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
