Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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