We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
